Happy Valentine's to Me

Since the start of this blog, my friends have been looking at me with concern in their eyes. I’ve even heard the words, “Christi, be happy!” I don’t know if I would go so far to say that I’m really happy, but it’s not all dooms day either. I guess it just comes across that way since this is an outlet for thoughts that I don’t usually verbalize. Actually, I do laugh a lot. It took me a long time to get there, but time does heal. And in that spirit, I decided to give myself a Valentine’s Day gift. Forgiveness.

Three and a half years ago my world came crumbling down. My husband said he wanted a divorce, and I didn’t know why. About a month later, I found out that he was cheating on me. Don’t get me wrong. Things weren’t great. I basically was living with a functional alcoholic who spent nearly $5000 a month on bar bills. Seems impossible, but I lived it. It now seems utterly ridiculous that someone would put up with that. But no one can speak to what they would do until they’re in the situation. Slowly fading away, I began to lose myself.

Many women go through that. It’s hard… unbelievably hard. But what hurt me far worse than the cheating was the fact that my closest girlfriends knew what was going on and didn’t tell me. They put him in a position of power to basically kick me to the curb like trash. They felt just fine discussing it with the other woman’s husband (we all knew each other), but they made a decision to leave me in the dark.

A few people have told me that it wasn’t their place to tell me. Bulls**t. This wasn’t a hunch. They had been caught on our sailboat. If you know that your very best friend’s husband is cheating on her and you don’t tell her, you’re no friend of hers.

So a few weeks ago, I receive an email from one of them. She happens to be the only one I didn’t hold accountable because she was on summer vacation. Her daughter’s coronation is coming up in May, and would I please come. Life is too short… come see your old friends.

After much inner turmoil at the thought of having to smile at the enemy, I have decided to release myself from that bondage. I forgive them. So today, on this overrated holiday of corny mush and gush, I will smile and give myself freedom. And that, my dears, calls for a celebration of the cocoa kind. ;-)