I don't know you anymore...
I've been trying to be better about loving myself lately, but today is just one of those days. It's hard to deal with what I've become. What I see in the mirror is a reminder of past hurt. I don't know why I think that "if only" I could lose this weight, the memories would disappear with it.
posted by Christi Nielsen at 1:36 PM
9 Comments:
I feel like that often too. Like it is someone else, not me. No sweat, it passes.
You may not allow people to see the real you, but what someone of us see in you is amazing. Don't let the past dictate who you are, but help define the person you are becoming. And that person is someone we enjoy.
Christi, you pose a very complex conundrum here: should we lose weight to love ourselves more, or love ourselves more to lose weight? And also will losing the weight fix the pain we've carried?
I lost the weight. I love myself more. But it didn't fix any of the pain from the past. As I continue to lose the weight I'm discovering that it has no affect on the pain. But it make the pain any worse, either.
In fact, losing the weight has given me an opportunity to really deal with the problems, deal with the pain and quit using the weight as a distraction.
I used to obsess with the weight so that I didn't have to face the real issues... tricky business.
Some measure of peace of mind will make things much easier for you. sandi's right; losing weight will make you feel better about yourself and how you look, sure, but it doesn't change anything beyond that. If someone's done you wrong, for example, that'll hurt no matter how much you weigh until you make peace with it.
You do have this going for you that a lot of people don't--you're very attractive at your current weight.
Good luck!
It's interesting, because deep down, I think I feel the opposite. I feel like if I lose the weight, the memories will come back and overwhelm me and take me under for good. For me it's so much easier to obsess about food and my weight to take my mind off of the past that I have yet to face, let alone come to terms with.
I tell myself all the time that if I just could lose the weight that I wouldn't have any problems any more. I know it's a lie, that any problems I have exist in addition to the weight, but I blame the weight because it's easier.
I'm sorry you see yourself as overweight, I don't see you that way.
I just see you as a beautiful woman.
Amen my sister: I have about 10 memories of things that just make me shudder whenever I think of them. I really need to do some desensitization training like they do with phobias.
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