Every Little Girl's Dream
Is this what we're striving so hard to attain?
posted by Christi Nielsen at 6:15 PM
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Sunday, April 23, 2006
Is this what we're striving so hard to attain?
About Me
- Name: Christi Nielsen
- Location: Los Angeles, California, United States
"I myself have never been able to find out precisely what a feminist is, I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat."
~Rebecca West
"Well behaved women rarely make history."
~Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
- Because You Sleep Around
- I don't know you anymore...
- Intruder
- Bound to Perfection
- Mirror Mirror
- Resubscribing to the feed
- Ashamed
- Happy Valentine's to Me
- Finger Pointin' Good
- Anything to be Thin
15 Comments:
YES!! We all want to be Princess Barbies! That's what we're SUPPOSED TO WANT TO BE! That's why all our toys were pink when we were little and they shove the Disney Princesses up little girls noses today.
I had to buy a birthday present for my 3 year old niece this weekend. I didn't want to get her anything like the Disney Princess pop-up book I saw that featured each princess discussing a good character trait "inner beauty" and at the bottom of the page in bold letters it would say, "Being pretty is important!"
I did end up getting her a tutu, though, because she likes to pretend she's a ballerina. It was sparkly and pink and I almost hated myself for buying her something SO patriarchally-endorsed as girly, but I balanced it out by also getting her a huge thing of blocks that were simple wood and not painted pink with glitter sprayed on them.
you know well how close to home this is for me right now with my daughter. if you have the time - and feel like it, i have a old post in the archives about this battle in raising my daughters...
http://itsneverdullhere.blogspot.com/2005/10/im-not-rapunzel-and-there-is-no-prince.html
i search for balance every day. i hope you find it as well.
t
Aaaahhhh, very good of you to comment on this subject. It's the very reason I raise my daughter to value her mind. And the very reason I wear little makeup, and don't make a big deal about body issues out loud. (I've got 'em, for sure, but I wouldn't transfer that burden to my children) So far, it's working, as my almost-14-year-old, barely wears lip gloss, and is happy-go-lucky about her own self, and confused about the other girls who are overly made up and self absorbed.
Sorry for the long comment, but you are so relevant.
Please know, I do not think I'm the perfect mother, quite the opposite, and my daughter has her faults, but this is the one issue I believe I've conqured!
t_cole's post is great. Go read it. I've split the link up so the whole thing shows up here.
http://itsneverdullhere.blogspot.com/2005/10/
im-not-rapunzel-and-there-is-no-prince.html
I wanted to be homecoming queen. But never was. And even though I want my own children to accomplish their dreams I wouldn't attempt to push that just so I could live through them.
Interesting thought to ponder.
It starts at birth. No, wait. It starts even before your due date. In the NICU there are little 34 week premature girls with pink and lavender princess blankies and little fancy onsies with "pretty princess" printed on the front. Mommies are striving for princessdom for their little girls.
I think Laura Bora's balanced approach helps -- I got one of my godgirls (after a long conversation with her mom) one Public Enemy and one Floetry CD for our last celebratory occasion, since she had expressed an interest in hiphop.
I remember my parents being pretty balanced too -- sure I had my tutu, but I also had a fire-engine red Tonka truck. :D
Stunning pics as usual, Christi.
Ok. I'm sorry. I really don't understand all this nonsense about women feeling pressure to be a certain way. I was raised with barbie dolls and disney movies like any other girl and I still managed to grow up and become my own person. I really think people, including fellow women, don't give us enough credit. Yeah, so, Snow White's a little bitch. Well, that doesn't mean you have to be. Also why put so much thought into what color toys you're gonna get the kids? If a little girl genuinely enjoys barbie dolls and pink tutus then by all means let her play with barbie dolls and pink tutus. I for one loved barbies, but I hated pink. I loved bugs, but I hated sports. I have two cousins, both girls, raised in the same place by the same people, one loves make up, dresses, dancing, hates getting messy, loves disney movies, etc. The closest thing the other one comes to being stereotypically "girly" is the fact that she sometimes wears necklaces. Otherwise she plays football, catches salamanders and can pretty much beat the shit out of anyone who causes her or her sister any grief. Honestly there's way too much analysis that goes on with this stuff. Stop claiming victim status and if you don't like the way "society" wants you to be, don't be that way. You do realize that women make up over half the population right? Start taking advantage of that and stop whining on blogs. I'm not saying things aren't more difficult for women than men, they certainly are, but that's how it is and you can either own it or you can bitch about it.
Hi Anonymous -
Just a few things.
1 - Kudos to you for being so well balanced. There are many women like you, actually. However, even though they may not have had their little minds twisted by all these societal pressures, they are able to recognize that many women have. Do I really need to mention all the manifestations of this? Young girls end up with eating disorders; girls mutilate themselves with surgeries to look like Barbie, etc? Seriously now, come on.
2 - This blog isn't about an individual who whines about her own female identity. I don't make commanding comments to people about how they should have read the entire blog before posting ignorant comments because let's face it... if you're new to the blog, you haven't had time or interest to do that. But if you did, you'd find that I'm an artist who makes social commentary about women's issues. The photos and such are not meant to represent me, but instead any woman and the REAL issues that affect them.
3 - This is the MOST important.
If we applied your thought process/line of thinking/logic... whatever you want to call it... to other areas in life, it might go something like this...
Dear women, stop whining and complaining about being raped. I grew up without ever being raped. I really don’t understand all this nonsense. Since I managed to avoid being raped, you should too. Stop claiming victim status and just don’t get raped.
Dear women, stop whining and complaining that your father said you weren’t good enough because you were too fat. I don’t understand this nonsense. I never created a game where I would count the minutes until my grandfather or father mentioned my weight. Since I managed to avoid a relationship where love was conditionally based on appearance, you should too. Stop claiming victim status and just don’t care that your father doesn’t love you the way you are.
Dear women, stop whining and complaining that your husband cheated on you and constantly pointed out your cellulite, calling it hail damage. I really don’t understand this nonsense. I managed to avoid caring if my husband equated fidelity with my perfection, so you should do. Stop claiming victim status and just don’t care.
I think you get the point. Yes, these examples are ridiculous. They mimic your ridiculous statement that basically claims the invalidity of anyone else’s experience because that experience didn’t happen to you.
You remind me of the 20somethings who pronounce the ridiculousness of feminism in today’s society because “they don’t feel oppressed as a woman.” I smile quietly as they return to their dorm rooms to philosophize the issues of the world of which they’ve yet to be a part.
First off, I've been looking through your blog for quite a while and my comment was not focused on the individual it was focused on the general population of women, not all women, but women who complain constantly about societal pressures and still don't bother to do anything productive with themselves. It's aimed at women, like one of the girls in my auto-mechanics class in high school, who constantly rant about how unfair the world is for girls but then come to class and complain that she shouldn't have to learn how to change a tire because, and I quote, "My husband will do that for me." I'm not saying that you're one of those women, I don't think that at all, but I do think that blaming your hardships on barbie is ridiculous.
Second, don't you ever, EVER fucking accuse me of being okay with rape or with thinking that anyone, in any situation, for any reason, deserves to be raped. Rape is completely uncontrollable and I would never put that on any woman's shoulders. The very implication makes me sick and what I said has nothing to do with it. I know what rape does to people. I've seen it first hand. I've been there. Go fuck yourself.
Third every other example you gave is not really all that ridiculous. Don't assume I grew up with a great dad and perfect relationships. I suppose I can't speak to the way men treat their girlfriends because I'm gay, but believe me I've been fucked with quite a few times and yes, I know what it does to people. I know what kind of state blind affection for an unworthy person can put you in, but I still take full responsibility for any period of time that I knew the person I was with wasn't worthy and still stayed. There should always come a point when you realize you're worth more than this crap and at that point you should get out and your friends should be telling you this exact same thing. He/she isn't worth it. Get out. Grow a pair. Muster the strength, tell said asshole to go fuck him/herself, cry to your best friend/sibling/cat whoever, and then move on. I gave that same advice to my best friend who'd been raped several times by a guy and manipulated by his family. She was lonely, he'd been a good friend of hers for some years, she didn't wnat to believe he could hurt her like that, he apologized, etc. etc. etc. I get it. I know it's hard. But when you get to that point you have to get out and she eventually did and we're still very close. I don't blame her, but I would not condone staying in a situation like that long term.
Also, my dad wasn't exactly ideal. He was a drunken sexist ass who called me and my sister dykes when we cut our hair short and who believes that women who are actors or dancers should be judged based on looks more so than talent. He threatened us and he resented us and we knew it. That does NOT mean that I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to be a certain way and that does not mean I will condone for even a second any woman who fucks with and disrespects her own self just because daddy was an asshole. Yeah so why don't you spend your life proving that you're not worthless? Why don't you go to school and get a good job and have a good life and show daddy how much more successful and happy you are than him?
I've had my own fuck-up moments, too. I'm not perfect and I never meant to pretend to be. I was bullied to shit in school and as a result I barely talk. I'm extremely shy and I hate it, but I'm working on it. I won't complain about it because it does no good. What does do good is forcing myself to go somewhere where I don't know anyone, even if it means feeling uncomfortable for a while. What does do good is introducing myself to a new person and, if they shun me for whatever reason, it means feeling like an ass for a few minutes then shaking it off and trying again. I don't condone giving up or giving in in any way because I know you don't have to. And, first and foremost, I do not condone blaming your problems on toys or TV. If you're smart enough to realize that the media is ridiculous you're smart enough not to fall for that bullshit. Only if you're sheltered to the point that you get only one side of everything and the tv, your parents, your peers, and everyone else gives you the same or similar views on what you and other women should be like, is it understandable for you to fall apart completely (and yes I know there are people in these situations, but I'm talking about the average woman).
Don't ever assume I speak without experience. Experience is what makes me so frustrated. I wouldn't have such strong feelings about this stuff if I didn't have some personal connection to it.
Yay! You came back! I’m totally serious, not being sarcastic. This discussion is necessary.
First of all – you might want to recognize that I never accused you of being OK with rape and such. I gave an example of how your line of thinking would apply to women complaining of such…
For you see, rape is a physical assault – it’s an assault on her person. But any other assault is no less important. Psychological assaults such as belittling for weight, bodily proportions, trading acceptance for appearance… all these are assaults on her person. If you expect “her” to just not be assaulted, then you’ll have to put her in a metal box.
Again – kudos to you for being able to just brush it off. Those who can’t don’t need your extra dose of condemnation.
So I’m to go fuck myself because you’ve been there. LOL! Again, you assume you have the unrivaled experience.
I think so, too. I wouldn't waste my time if I didn't.
Yes, I know what you meant, but the implication was there and the comparison, in my opinion, is very weak.
Also, I don't expect her not to be assaulted, I expect her not to let it control her life and I know that's possible. I've seen it. I don't assume my experience is unrivaled, I just assume it's enough to make my opinion meaningful.
Oh, one last thing, if you think I could just "brush it off" easily then you haven't been paying very close attention to anything I've been saying. I don't expect people to "brush it off" I expect them to work hard and be strong and realize when they're being fucked and get out. I know it's not easy, I know everyone's different, but I also know that most women are a lot stronger than even they give themselves credit for and I am not going to feel sorry for them because that is the last thing they need. How is that not just added humiliation and another expectation of weakness? No. I don't expect or want anyone to feel sorry for me and I won't feel sorry for them either. Any friend or family member I have who's been through something knows I care about them, but they also know that I will consistently expect them to work hard and do their best to get back on their feet with limited whining (none would make you go insane, I know that, but too much is counterproductive).
It's great if it doesn't control her life, but that's not the case for many. I've seen it. Do you see what I mean?
Just because I've seen it destroy doesn't mean that there are cases when it doesn't. Just because someone has seen it NOT destroy doesn't mean that there aren't cases when it does.
I hope you'll continue to visit here if I can get my ass in gear and start creating more work. I've enjoyed your comments. I think the discussion is quite beneficial.
Of course, you might want to choose a nickname. The Anonymous thing can become tedious in passionate discussions that start involving multiple readers.
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