Michelin Man
I sometimes feel like the Michelin Man.
Before I gained this weight, I never had a stomach... ever! So after almost four years, I’m still not used to this roll above my waistband that’s like a foreign object attached to my body. These days it’s not so much a vanity issue as it is a comfort issue. It’s actually easier to breathe if I can lean back in the chair.
I have two options: lose some weight or buy bigger clothes. I can’t afford new clothes, so I guess I’m left with the daunting task of losing some weight. I hate to even try because I’m afraid I will fail. How pathetic is that?
Labels: art, body image
posted by Christi Nielsen at 10:57 PM
13 Comments:
You said it right there, the basis for why I (and I think so many people) never even get started: What if I fail?
Great picture!
I did weight watchers and it really worked.
Your photos are incrediable. They evoke such emotion and the textures - wow. This one blew me away.
I hear ya on the weight thing. It is one of the hardest battles. I so just want us all to be ok just the way we are. But we're not ok with it. There is no right asnwer. Only you know what you can and not do at any particular point in time.
You are a very talented woman.
I´ve been in this diet process since i was 11, i took medicines, i tried to re-educate myself on eating beter and less... that sux. I´ve sepent about 2 eyars before trying it again... and i´m still on it, the worst is that i´ve lost 20 kilos, but i still have like... 15 kilos do loose, how exciting can that be?
I feel better, people see me better, and that sucks also, that sucks because... how come 20 kilos can make a diffence on the way people look and treat me? That´s the part when i start to consider on stopping taking this stupid pills, but this time i wont do tha, i´ll keep on trying till i get to the weight I WANT to be.
It´s not pathetic to be afraid to fail, all of us do, and that´s why, after so many tries that we get scared about it, but... what else can we do but keep on trying?
Try it, fail... then try it again, then fail... onde day you'll find the best and less painfull way to get to your point.
I´d like to say that i LOVED your site, your words, your pictures, YOU and the people who read and comment here, is good to know that we´re not alone, isn´t it? Even though we know we are not alone, is good to find someone that can put out the words in a way that I´d love to do. Congratulations, and please, do not stop writing... ever! :) Your words are beatiful and strong and so are you... you´re really beatiful.
Ouch.
You are so far from pathetic, and again, great photo.
I do understand the defeatest thoughts. For me, it seems that when I attempt to lose weight, my obsession over food increases. Thoughts of deprivation (but really - deprivation?) increases my desire to eat. So I do without abandon and gain weight.
Happens every time. Instead of saying to myself, "No more sugar." or "No more fat." or "No more carbs." depending on the current dieting trend, I now say "No more diets." But I'm still fat.
my thinking is that if you get more active, you're bound to lose at least *some* weight. Now add that with eating right and you're all set... first though, what does failure mean to you? Define failure... Or define your goals. If you think "failing" means not having a tip-top shape perfect body then there's more room for failure there than if you just make a commitment to exercise more and eat better. And lose a size or two! But now that I write this, I may need to rethink my definition of failure because I think my standards are too high and blindsiding me (wanting to be perfect, etc.)
That's the best picture! I love it.
Hello Christi!
I too, really like that picture. It is very alarming, in a way. Looks painful.
I do not think you are pathetic at all. I think these things can start off slowly. First, you realise you want something to change, then you mentally prepare for it.. then you start making small changes....
Don't beat yourself up when you 'fall off the wagon'. This is a recovery. One of the best things I EVER learned was that on the 'wheel of recovery' there is a place for 'relapse' - but you can get straight back on the wagon after relapse. It doesn't *have* to mean that everything is ruined and therefore you may as well give up and overeat and overeat and overeat forever.
I used this concept and it has helped me greatly to stop self-injury. I still struggle with the eating self-injury, but I am working on that now, using the same idea. It is hard, but I try and force myself to accept that my recovery will *not* be perfect. I will not just steadily lose all the weight and that's it. Losing weight is not that easy - but it IS possible. One thing - a little while ago, I decided I wasn't in a place to lose anymore weight. So I 'gave up'. I ate whatever I wanted, but at the same time made sure I didn't put back ON more than a couple of kilos of that weight I had lost. Funnily enough, I found I didn't want all the rubbish I used to eat before. I ate a lot, but not as much of the cake/biscuits/chocolate as I *used* to eat. Sugar is an evil addictive thing. When you have some processed sugar, it causes a 'high' and then soon enough you will sink and need it again to feel 'okay'. It's a viscious cycle. At the moment I am starting to lose a bit more weight, and not having any processed sugar. That stuff makes me feel really really bad. The first few days of cutting it out are really bad - there is a 'detox' and after about a week it starts feeling a heck of a lot better. That's just one thing I find really helpful - to cut out processed sugar.
tie -- I can *really* relate to what you wrote -- I have lost 20kilos, have 15 to go. It IS frustrating as heck. And I too struggle with the fact people treat me better and better the more weight I lose. I have written about it on my blog.
I have gone on and on. Sorry if this annoys anyone!! I am obviously still in the process of developing a healthy lifestyle, and I screw up often. But I keep on going. I know I will get there in the end, and Christi - I'm sure you will get to where you want to be, too!!
All the best,
Z
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All in all its how we view ourselves. Issues like these tend to make us guarded from other. I know sometimes for me its very hard to allow someone to get to know the real me and not the 12 versions I have out there. And its mainly because of my weight. I allow people to perceive a surface version of myself, where I don't seem to let my weight issue bother me. But deep down I hate myself and for the fact that I can't get it together. My parents put me on a diet when I was 14, they participated as well, but I know it was for me. Ever since then, I have tried different things. But the only thing that has worked, is when I have actually wanted to loose weight. Lately I have been trying to motivate myself. But excuses come up and I tell myself well tomorrow. Why?
Amazing photo, truly the best yet.
The thing with failing at weight loss is that essentially if things aren't right inside (your heart or head) it's even more damaging than what you're not doing. Even if it's thinking such things like - oh I can't possibly lose that much weight, will I get too thin (and look horrible), how will my body change with the weight loss (sagging etc), people will react to me differently when I'm thin (more attention) and all such things. Those are things that make weight loss difficult - working out, eating well is relatively easy .. the thoughts make you lose the battle right from the start. I'm still struggling with this and I'm not even sure how one can get past such a thing.
And I so get the Michelin man, I thought I'm the only one so bothered by my upper roll lately .. not so big, but it's there and constantly a reminder whenever I sit down :)
Christi,
I have just a couple of comments -- most which reiterate what's already been said:
OUCH.
You are an incredible, beautiful, and talented woman. I'm very lucky to have you as my friend. Your work comes from such an honest, vulnerable place.
Eric
something my father told me once:
"The greatest thieves of our happiness are regret of the past and fear of the future."
Thanks so much for your art as well, It's truely inspiring to me.
I found this so moving. You are a strong, amazing woman.
I've struggled with my weight since I was a teenager. Unfortunately life cursed me with asthma, and cortisone. It not only blows you up, but royall screws your metabolism up for years afterwards.
I am ok with the fact that I will never be "skinny" in most peoples' eyes, but I'm ok with what I would consider skinny. It's so hard to get there, and so many diets fail, but we have to keep on trying. Not for others, but for ourselves.
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