Warped

Those of you who know me, or who have followed this blog for some time, are aware that I admit to contradictions in thinking. I feel this is more honest than pretending to adhere to ideals that often get a bit tweaked when we're faced with reality. That's not to say that I dismiss those ideals, but I'm realistic enough to acknowledge the fact that a part of me wants to be accepted, even if that means that acceptance is based on societal ideals. I'll probably get some flack for that, but I don't care. Nobody is a robot.

This past week, I've been consumed with the renewal of my passport, in the hopes that miraculously I will find the money to go to France this summer. We all gotta dream, right?

What disturbs me is the fact that I'm trying to find a way to keep the old passport simply because of a stupid picture... a picture that was taken 15 years ago. Is this a pathetic way for me to document that at one time I fulfilled the description of beauty?

So I have my passport photo taken, and that pushes me over the edge. Of course I compare the two and vow a life of starvation for the next few months. I know that this is just a glitch, and that I will come to my senses in a few days, but for now I'm painfully reminded of the unattainable ideals that warp our minds.