Plug Her Up
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been given a description of the acceptable girl for (now that I think about it) the guys who never have girlfriends. Anyway, it usually goes something like this…
“I don’t like girls who burp, fart, have diarrhea, or other bodily functions. And if you mention monthly menstrual fluids, I will gag and throw up. I will not date any girl who does any of these things. Girls are not supposed to be thought of in this manner, and I don’t want to date any girl who does any of these things.”
I’ve been told as of late that I shouldn’t let things bother me so, that I should get over it and move on. This is of course is from the mouths of babes who think they have life figured out without ever having stepped foot in it. But in the spirit of acceptance, let me try and help the poor darlings. I propose a new product that finds its home nicely within the fetishism of commodity. Corks for your every need… to plug her up.
Just out of curiosity boys, do you look away and plug your ears as the air escapes from your quintessential blow up doll?
I no doubt will receive many spirited responses. I welcome them, and to those who choose the route of defense for this plastic notion of a woman, I will not ridicule you. I merely offer to your overestimated mouth my overabundance of unused corks.
Labels: consumerism, feminism
posted by Christi Nielsen at 6:18 PM
11 Comments:
An overabundance of agreement with you here, Cristi!
:-)
Mary Sunshine
And wouldn't it be fab if they used them - on themselves!
xx
Just out of curiosity boys, do you look away and plug your ears as the air escapes from your quintessential blow up doll?
Haha! Sweet.
Cocogrrl
Found this via the Midgetqueen. I wholeheartedly agree with you and am laughing like crazy at the thought of those girlfriendless wonders cringing away from their blow up dolls.
By the way, can I borrow a few of those corks? I know someone who could use them in his huge mouth...
The problem is rooted in Romanticism and Victorian values. Both have created unrealistic expectations on women. Unless a person drops all her/his Romanic notions, no real relationship can possibly be achieved. Blood and shit has its charm. After all, when you kiss someone, you are kissing a tube that eventually ends up out the ass.
I feel bad that men are actually moronic enough to think that women are not human and do the same things they do. I actually like girls with "flaws" because they actually seem real. Too many people are illusions; some try to look older, some look younger -- others try to have no flaws at all. No matter what, be human and have flaws. If you do not like flaws, I suggest becoming close with something like china or plastic; this is all you will get.
However, do not forget the door swings both ways. How many girls only want a guy with perfect abs and a large bankroll? Some of us are just as rough around the edges but may have cores purer than gold.
Enjoy!
You are curious so...
I like it when women fart, its funny. It is really funny when it happens in bed. She gets all self conscious but I just keep banging away laughing my ass off.
Bravo - and merci. I'm blog-rolling you right now sister-sledge!
When my husband and I first started dating, we both strove not to display any of these bodily function-type things in front of each other (believe me it’s difficult when you start having sleep overs!). It was 6 months into the relationship when he found out that I actually do poo... (a full blown convo resulted from an innocent text to him asking whether or not corn digests) It turns out that he has IBS and had been having a hell of a time hiding it. Once all that was out in the open, we laughed at how stupid we were for trying to hide it! Everyone has bodily functions, we're only human after all!!
props to you christi for this. and, yes, i agree. totally. and it seems that it frustrates me as consistently and strongly as it does you.
thing that really gets me is the girls that fall for that shit (pun intended). that hold their poo when theyre at their boyfriend's house, long enough to make their stomachs ache like hell. because theyre out there! and it makes me sad.
seems like it is almost an issue of women's empowerment to be very over-analytical here. women need not be afraid to be human, to let bodily function work the way it needs to.
and honestly, it can be a golden opportunity for some grand giggles!... at the way our bodies ALL work.
I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.
Joyce
http://www.videophonesguide.com
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